So I am still in a weird mood lately and I am definitely still trying to figure a lot of personal crap out, but that is just how life goes- always a series of ups and downs and stupid horrendous and almost laugh out loud timings- BUT whatever will be will be. And right now, I'm just going to make the best out of my crazy situation(s). I try to deal with stuff one thing at a time and not feel overwhelmed so hopefully things will be el terrifico in the end. As I always say (to myself but not necessarily believe all the time) things always happen and work itself out for a reason- whether good or bad or in between.
So let's not sweat this shit today! :)
Also, as a side note, Beyonce songs have been helping me a lot lately to back in the groove and be in a better mood so shout out to Beyonce for putting up some strong female empowerment songs and to get my ass shaking in the privacy of my apt.
LOL. GET IT GURLLLL.
Anyhow, yesterday I had chemo 10 out of the final 12 and my lovely and fabulous
( +7 friggin' year Breast Cancer Survivor!!!) friend Andrea came all the way down from NH to drive me and keep me company so that made me feel extra special! It makes me feel good when friends wanna come with me because then it becomes like a mini outing...lunch, chemo, then fun afterwards :) Andrea has been super helpful since the beginning of my Cancer -she is legit SO full of knowledge and just all around a great friend and supporter and I am thankful I can go to her and constantly pester her with a million questions without her getting pissed with me or annoyed LOL. Since she has been through all this shit, she knows what's up!!! PLUS she is also so positive and happy and always has a smile on her face that it's always pleasant to have her company! And it's contagious :) So thank you again Andrea for wanting to be there with me and pushing me along in this chemo crap :)
Not ONLY did Andrea come to chemo with me, she brought along bright ass SUPER PINK wigs and boa's and we dressed up and looked absolutely ridiculous, but I loved every moment of it. :) Even my nurse Paula loved it and she tracked down my oncologist and made her come over to see the pink feathery spectacle! HAHA...Dr. Wulfe, who is usually pretty all business and super professional, cracked a smile and laughed with her intern!
Dr. Wulfe asked "what's the occasion?" I replied "just felt like it, why not?!" HAHA!
I know most of you have already seen some of these pics on FB, but I can't help it, here are a few to hopefully make you smile and let you see that I pretty much will do anything for a funny picture :)
Andrea rockin' my wig...isn't she fabulous?!!!!!!
First, Andrea rocks the pink wig!
My turn my turn!
This reminds me of "run, lola, run" LOLz or a Flapper on crack.
Me all hooked up to the iv's but still with a smile :)
pink rockstar survivors! <3
Andrea def impressed my Dr. and Nurse Paula with her positive vibes and awesome survivor advice :) Yay! But then again, I wasn't surprised that everyone loves her! <3
Chemo was okay in general. I was a bit sleepy and my stomach was feeling a bit queasy but again, no throwing up which is good. Currently I just feel constantly bloated and the water weight is just NASTY. ugh. I actually have been eating really bad lately due to laziness and not really going to the market and buying real groceries, so I have been eating a lot of high calorie frozen stuff and a lot of carbs. BAD JEN BAD! My mom tells me to just stop it because when they do the reconstruction surgery they will need all my fat but right now I'm not feeling the pudgy lil tummy I've acquired. The saline this time was worse then before. Water and gum chewing was NOT helping, I felt a slight gag in my mouth when Paula injected it into me...ARGH. Never again do I ever want to look or see or taste saline in my mouth. Gross. BARF. GAG. SIGH.
I also posted that I was wigless for a little while yesterday. And I was. When Andrea pulled out the wig, I was slightly hesitant in even taking off my wig to put it on because my chemo chair was right in front of the nurses' station and the curtain was not all the way closed so people could look in. But the minute I did it and wore the wig, I felt pretty damn good. It was fun and the wig was short, comfy and felt good and I just let my guard down and didn't care anymore. After awhile, I just took off the pink wig and just let my head breathe and the curtain was pretty open at this time and people were walking by and quickly glanced, but
I DID NOT GIVE A FUCK. (pardon my swearing) Now, if you know me well, I have been sooo super self conscious about showing my bald head or even posting a simple pic on FB because I feel so not myself at the moment and not 100% attractive, SO this was a big turning point for me and you know what? it was LIBERATING. I even got up to go to the bathroom down the hall and didn't care who saw me. I saw how strong Andrea was in posting a pic of herself when she was about the same place where I am right now and instead of hiding it she just embraced it, so although I'm not quite as bald as I used to be, it still felt good :) Plus, who cares, right? It's just hair.
Here is what I look like now :)
And here's me a few days ago with my crazy earrings :)
Not too bad right? I might even embrace my short hair when Summer comes. But so far, I am accepting it better and already plotting what I will do to my hair when it is super long again :) pink streaks are a must of course! :) You can't take the city out of this city girl! :)
Anyhow, my brother Darren commented that this may be a sign of recovery- accepting yourself and just being yourself and and I think that it's pretty true. I can only really just be myself and learn more from all of this so thank you to everyone that has been so supportive. I have never felt so much love from soo many people at once! That feels more wonderful than any words of my gratitude can ever be expressed. TRUTH.
After chemo was over, Me and Andrea went to Berry Freeze in Brookline and got yummy froyo treats :)
I have every excuse to get that nasty saline taste out of my mouth!
MMMM mini gummy bears= BOMB
Andrea also took me to Trader Joe's so I can get a few groceries and be set for the week :) How considerate! She also bought me these beautiful gerber daisies there and gave me some other goodies she brought:
Super cute treats!
She told me that the Hello Kitty was from her mom and it was with her throughout the whole cancer process and she wanted me to have it so I always have a buddy :) I will take good care of her I promise! :) It was a very uplifting and positive day! So thank you girl! <3
In other short updates, I posted on FB I was a bit upset because my damn surgery is going to take a bit longer than I had expected. After chemo, I will have a 2-3 week break- ( 2 more weeks THANK FRIGGIN' GOD) then I will have all the tumors removed first. Next I will have a tissue expander inserted then radiation for the grueling 5 days a week for 5 weeks straight- THEN they are going to get rid of my right breast and do reconstruction 6 MONTHS down the road. I was upset at first that I was physically going to look like a hot mess for a few months and be in some pain....but you know what? SCREW IT! It's 6 months that I will (hopefully) never have to deal with again, and the outcome will be some new fabulous boobs, so I will just have to suck it up and deal with the fact that this summer is going to be a bit of a downer.....but it's ok. And I'm OK. I just have to look at the positive things. OOOMMMMMMMM.
I also have my plastic surgeon consultation in June, so Dr. Lee can give Jen Yong some fabulous fake boobs LOL!!! Hopefully that will go well. Of course my Dr. is an ASIAN and a MALE so this will be slightly awkward. Even more awkward of my mom comes so if any friends want to volunteer to come, let me know! HAHA.
The plus side is that I can probably still finagle a way to do the 3 day walk after all so at least is something I can look forward to.... +++++
Also, on that note because of all of your generous donations, I have raised $2645!!!!!!!!! The goal was only to get to $2300 so all of your support has been more than wonderful!
SO THANK YOU EVERYONE!!!! :) You can still donate if you wish, but this is already more than I could ever ask for! Me and Vicky will prob try to have one more event and have some goodies to give away so look out for that!
Anyhow, so far this has been what's happenin' with miss yong.
Hope that this was entertaining and brought some positivity and laughs. I am getting there, slowly but surely and much stronger everyday...
XOXOXO, much love,