btw...you have cancer jen!!!: Holiday Fever

Christmas was super tough this year. I got the majority of my shopping done in the beginning of the month because I would afraid I would have no energy for it later on. And boy was I right. Shopping- something I usually love was getting to be very tiresome for me. You know how it's freezing out and you have like ten layers on, then you go inside and it feels like a sauna and then you have to carry all your shit around while balancing 6 bags, a drink and then some????- YEAH not fun. I got tired and hot really easily and I have been perpetually sick after every chemo so shopping required lots of fluids and being a bit dizzy.

This time, CHEMO III was scheduled for 3 days after Xmas- 12/28. I absolutely dreaded this day- it seems they always schedule all my chemo's around holidays and it just sucks because I can't ever enjoy them without it hanging over my head. And I can't change it because I am on a 2 week cycle.

Anyhow- my parents do Christmas a little differently then most families. My dad always has to work on Christmas at like 10am so usually it's a mad dash to get up early, open the presents, and my poor dad has to rush to work while me, my mom and bro usually go out to eat. This year since I have an apt, and they knew I wasn't feeling well, they decided to do the opposite and either go out and have dinner or do takeout after my dad got out of work and do presents later on in the evening. So the plan was for me to pack all my stuff to stay at my parents throughout chemo and go over the house before 7:30 pm...

Yeah well that didn't really happen. All day on Christmas I was feeling like crap. I started doing my laundry and even doing that was hard. I kept taking naps every couple of hours and had no motivation packing any of my stuff. My brother had just gotten me a new bed the day before so all I wanted to do was just stay in my empty apt and not go anywhere. When I finally mustered enough energy to leave it was almost 10pm. My parents weren't mad- they told me to take my time but I felt bad since they bought take out hours ago and everyone was waiting on me.

So we had dinner and opened presents half an hr before midnite. I kept fading in and out because I was extremely hot and uncomfortable and keep sweating a lot...I thought I just had the flu...for the next two days it was the same but now my temperature was rising. A 99F is considered having a fever so now my temperature was fluctuating between 99-103F. I really didn't want to go to the hospital in the middle of the night but my mom was concerned so I called the oncologist that was on call. Surprisingly he was an intern and told me because of the neulasta shot that it was normal to have a fever and that if I felt any worse to call in the morning. I found this odd since legally they usually make you come in if they don't really know what is wrong over the phone and they can't advise you not to. The next day I felt worse. My nurse practitioner called me the next day (appt day) to ask how I was feeling. She told me since I had a fever I needed to come in early to do blood tests and that I probably wouldn't get treatment because of my condition.

So I went in early and had to wait awhile for my blood test results. When the nurse saw me she told me that I had a really high fever and that my white blood cell count was dangerously low. Not only would no treatment would happen- but I would have to be admitted to the hospital upstairs. My heart sank. I wasn't prepared to be admitted to the hospital and didn't have anything on me and was looking forward to lunch with my mom and bro but now I was confined to a room. I thought I would be in there for a day- instead I was there from 12/28/11- 1/1/12..so HAPPY Fuckin' New Years to me!...

waiting for my room

HOSPITAL STAY
I had to stay in a holding area for a few hours until a room was ready for me and I was sooo restless and depressed....I really felt like I was going to cry but I held it in. I hate crying in public and would never do it, so I forced myself to stop. My mom and bro were with me for most of the time but they were growing restless and hungry so I sent them home. I was also starving and miraculously a few hours later Vicky and her daughter Lori showed up with not only food but my beloved iced tea. Thank God. They came upstairs with me when I was finally transferred.
For the most part all the nurses were really wonderful at Beth Israel. I got all different ages on all different shifts and all of them were patient and attentive and really nice. I was hooked up to an IV most of the time I was there and it really made going to the bathroom a bitch. I had to unplug it and roll it with me to the small cramped bathroom. Since I had so many fluids pumped into me I literally had to pee like 17 times the first night I was there. They even have to measure my pee every time I went so that was pleasant to deal with. And not to be disgusting but my stupid feminine problem also had to happen during the whole time I was at the hospital so I was very agitated on top of that. I also had a random UTI while at the hospital....and I had pints and pints of blood drawn every day- they wanted to check to make sure if I either had the flu or any type of infection. If you have never had the flu check by having two cotton sticks stuck up all the way up your nose- then I would not suggest it - it was very uncomfortable and made me feel like what and Egyptian might be going through when they had their brains pulled through their nose.
All in all it was difficult. I could barely sleep, I was uncomfortable and I was lonely. The only solace I had was taking a nice long hot shower and using my new girly body wash.

I also forced myself to have some hospital food which wasn't too bad. They had a very extensive menu to my surprise ....LOL. I ordered tons of water since I am always thirsty and I hate having trash around me but I couldn't throw out anything I drank because they had to keep track of my fluids. I felt like I was on hoarders! HAHA! I ate a lot of low fat jello and low cholesterol eggs LOL. I refused to leave my room since I had to wear a mask so I pretty much confined myself to 5 days of solitude. Plus I felt self conscious since wearing my wig was hot so I just took it off. When I muster enought courage I will post my bald picture here soon.

yummy mushroom omelette and TATER TOTS

I did have a bunch of amazing visitors some multiple times....thanks to Mom, Darren (both for coming backand forth to hospital to get me my things) Vicky (she did an all nighter! and made me homemade bean curd soup), Lori, O'neill,( yummy chocolates) Jeanine, ( my elegant new makeup palette) Matt, Maria, Pasco, ( my delicious teas and candies) Josh, (starbuckkkkks) Chris, (thank u soo much for lending me your ipad and bringing me ice teas, chocolates and gummy treats) Emily (delicious Fridays food and nice poster) and Sandra (fashion mags galore) for coming by and keeping me smiling and bringing me all sorts of wonderful treats. You guys are awesome! And I have wonderful friends and family that look out for me.

thanks emily and her pre-schoolers

i saw this long after josh left LOL

After a few days my fever went down and I felt better but I had to spend NYE in the hospital. It was pretty shitty. Esp. every year I always get all dolled up and go out to town and have fun. I knew i wasn't going to have energy this year or time to recover since I thought I was going to have chemo so I felt a bit somber and I really didn't want ANY company. BUT it was nice my mom came by (can't ever say no to moms) for a long time and then Jen and Jeanine came and brought contraband champagne to have a toast ( I drank water of course) ...even my mom drank some which I was surprised LOL. After they left, Vicky and Lori came for the countdown and we watched Lady Gaga and Dick Clark drop his ball in Times Square. (HAHA I always say that every year) Watching Dick Clark announce things inside and obviously in pain made me a little sad. I always remembered him being so alive and outside while all the confetti flew around him. :( Anyhow, I didn't see any fireworks in Boston from my room but.....

At least I had a beautiful view in my room

Room 1182 I'll miss u

The next morning I was itching to leave the hospital. It was New Years Day and it was beautiful and sunny out. The nurse talked about giving me a blood transfusion but the Dr. felt it was unnecessary ( thank god because I am squemish when it comes to shit like that!!! ) Did I mention all the male Drs. I had looked like they were 12 and reminded me of Doogie Houser? LOL...Anyhow, he was really nice and told me I would be released in an hour or 2!

I was free on Jan 1st, 2012, and the first thing I did with my mom and bro was go to Cheesecake Factory and eat to my hearts content.